Lost (Losing It) In Translation

I signed up for this blog maybe two or three weeks ago. I figured I needed an outlet for my constant musings. But alas my introverted personally recognized that I needed an outlet but like most time hesitated because it meant being revealing. I signed up for this blog after reading a friends blog. Immediately it brought back memories of Xanga and my college days. Xanga was a big help in college, it provided a great sounding board for the things that pops up in life while you’re trying to live.

This brings me to the topic of this post and of course the name of my blog: Lost (Losing It) In Translation and Double Consciousness (DC) Confessions, respectively. Let’s first address what I mean by Double Consciousness Confessions. Have you ever felt split on an issue? Everyone has at some point or another. Image feeling that way almost always and image constantly feeling torn. Well that’s how I feel. There is so many things going on in my life that I can’t keep up. One moment I think that my mind is made up and the next it isn’t. So here are my confessions…

“You’ve gotta understand my side. I had a crazy, crazy life. Nobody came along to open up my eyes” –Pink

My eyes have been open and I feel I have a pretty good understanding of myself and those around me. But somehow things are not translated into actions or even into words. I must admit this DC causes me to be somewhat confusing at times. For examples I try to talk to some friends about what I’m going through but I know that what they say won’t help me or factor into my decisions. I think I’m using them as non-judgmental sounding boards but they believe they are providing a service by giving advice. Maybe I assume too much but I assume that friends are like, we’ll call her BB. I assume all friends should be like BB. She listened and didn’t offer solutions or advice that is beyond her. She rephrased my words and asked clarifying questions, questions that cleared up her understanding as well as my own.

This is hard for me to admit but sometimes I don’t say what I mean, I say what others want to hear. This stems from to desire to please which is another personality trait, which is both positive and negative. The above quote comes from Pink’s first album and I am listening to this not so old oldie and goodie because so much of what she is singing about is what I’m feeling.

Even now as I try to open up to the many strangers and some friends that will read this post I am holding but. It’s like the red head on ANTM (America’s next top model). She is constantly being told that she is holding but and she is holding on to her control. That’s what I do but as I write I hope to provide insight through my confessions. In the meanwhile I will work on what I say verbally and non-verbally as not to be lost or to lose anyone.