Friday, November 28, 2008
Angry
I've been angry a lot lately. I think the stress of doing too much is getting to me, so I'm angry. What do I do when I'm angry? I get calm, so very calm and that iritates me!!! I just want to do what other angry folks do, like scream or hit something or someone. But no I'm too rational for that. I just sit down, closed my eyes and try to clear my mind. Nevermind that I lose sleep and I lose interest in going out. Beign angry is no fun. But this here blog thingie is my release, so if I come on and write one line know that it's helping me clear my mind. Other than that hope everyone had a great Turkey day!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Next steps
Syracuse sucks!!!! Too many memories and too many people who think they know me. I know this post is coming off as angry. It's okay though because I am angry and I need to vent a bit. I just realized that I like my mother is a nomad at heart. I need to move around, what I really need is a job that either takes me away for business or one that pays enough so I can travel on my own. I've been in Syracuse a bit over two years and when I first moved to this place I told myself that I would only give it two years yet here I am. Next year can not come soon enough!
So next year where do I want to go? I have a couple of places in mind, I don't want to say just yet but as soon as I close the school chapter I am going to open the get Nakia out of Syracuse chapter. From now until December 12, 2008 I have to focus on school. It is the last semester of my 2.5 year 2 Masters career. I can't wait, just three weeks excluding thanksgiving week! Pray for me.
So next year where do I want to go? I have a couple of places in mind, I don't want to say just yet but as soon as I close the school chapter I am going to open the get Nakia out of Syracuse chapter. From now until December 12, 2008 I have to focus on school. It is the last semester of my 2.5 year 2 Masters career. I can't wait, just three weeks excluding thanksgiving week! Pray for me.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Lost (Losing It) In Translation
I signed up for this blog maybe two or three weeks ago. I figured I needed an outlet for my constant musings. But alas my introverted personally recognized that I needed an outlet but like most time hesitated because it meant being revealing. I signed up for this blog after reading a friends blog. Immediately it brought back memories of Xanga and my college days. Xanga was a big help in college, it provided a great sounding board for the things that pops up in life while you’re trying to live.
This brings me to the topic of this post and of course the name of my blog: Lost (Losing It) In Translation and Double Consciousness (DC) Confessions, respectively. Let’s first address what I mean by Double Consciousness Confessions. Have you ever felt split on an issue? Everyone has at some point or another. Image feeling that way almost always and image constantly feeling torn. Well that’s how I feel. There is so many things going on in my life that I can’t keep up. One moment I think that my mind is made up and the next it isn’t. So here are my confessions…
“You’ve gotta understand my side. I had a crazy, crazy life. Nobody came along to open up my eyes” –Pink
My eyes have been open and I feel I have a pretty good understanding of myself and those around me. But somehow things are not translated into actions or even into words. I must admit this DC causes me to be somewhat confusing at times. For examples I try to talk to some friends about what I’m going through but I know that what they say won’t help me or factor into my decisions. I think I’m using them as non-judgmental sounding boards but they believe they are providing a service by giving advice. Maybe I assume too much but I assume that friends are like, we’ll call her BB. I assume all friends should be like BB. She listened and didn’t offer solutions or advice that is beyond her. She rephrased my words and asked clarifying questions, questions that cleared up her understanding as well as my own.
This is hard for me to admit but sometimes I don’t say what I mean, I say what others want to hear. This stems from to desire to please which is another personality trait, which is both positive and negative. The above quote comes from Pink’s first album and I am listening to this not so old oldie and goodie because so much of what she is singing about is what I’m feeling.
Even now as I try to open up to the many strangers and some friends that will read this post I am holding but. It’s like the red head on ANTM (America’s next top model). She is constantly being told that she is holding but and she is holding on to her control. That’s what I do but as I write I hope to provide insight through my confessions. In the meanwhile I will work on what I say verbally and non-verbally as not to be lost or to lose anyone.
This brings me to the topic of this post and of course the name of my blog: Lost (Losing It) In Translation and Double Consciousness (DC) Confessions, respectively. Let’s first address what I mean by Double Consciousness Confessions. Have you ever felt split on an issue? Everyone has at some point or another. Image feeling that way almost always and image constantly feeling torn. Well that’s how I feel. There is so many things going on in my life that I can’t keep up. One moment I think that my mind is made up and the next it isn’t. So here are my confessions…
“You’ve gotta understand my side. I had a crazy, crazy life. Nobody came along to open up my eyes” –Pink
My eyes have been open and I feel I have a pretty good understanding of myself and those around me. But somehow things are not translated into actions or even into words. I must admit this DC causes me to be somewhat confusing at times. For examples I try to talk to some friends about what I’m going through but I know that what they say won’t help me or factor into my decisions. I think I’m using them as non-judgmental sounding boards but they believe they are providing a service by giving advice. Maybe I assume too much but I assume that friends are like, we’ll call her BB. I assume all friends should be like BB. She listened and didn’t offer solutions or advice that is beyond her. She rephrased my words and asked clarifying questions, questions that cleared up her understanding as well as my own.
This is hard for me to admit but sometimes I don’t say what I mean, I say what others want to hear. This stems from to desire to please which is another personality trait, which is both positive and negative. The above quote comes from Pink’s first album and I am listening to this not so old oldie and goodie because so much of what she is singing about is what I’m feeling.
Even now as I try to open up to the many strangers and some friends that will read this post I am holding but. It’s like the red head on ANTM (America’s next top model). She is constantly being told that she is holding but and she is holding on to her control. That’s what I do but as I write I hope to provide insight through my confessions. In the meanwhile I will work on what I say verbally and non-verbally as not to be lost or to lose anyone.
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