"Wake Up"

I ran away today


kicked the covers off
tossed and turned
threw the pillows on the floor

I ran away today

one leg hangs
brunched up clothes
strangle restless limbs

I tried to run away today

escape tormented me
ran away from me
chased me away

I tried to run away today
as the size of the bed
the survival instinct of my body
kept me captive
I ran out of room

the boundary of my should have been
infinite imagination
bounded me up
I ran out of time
I chased but I was eluded
I ran but I was trapped
So I opened my eyes

I ran away today

Poem: constant dream state?

Constant Dream State?

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord will keep
the nightmares at bay
let not my mind stray
to dark thoughts and painful sights
let not the darkness banish my inner light
surrounded and stalked by the dead and dying
I wake from unresolved confrontations, crying
unadjusted eyes take in common place items
but a confused mind sends flight signals
heart jumps and gallops on
thumping, thumping
thump, thump, thump
against a tight chest
the lungs behind my breast
pulls in air that’s not quite enough to fill the space
constricted wind pipe cuts off a scream
a tiny yelp escapes
air wheezes in through nose and out through mouth
a dull ache encloses a tender head prone to migraines

Now I lay awake
I pray the Lord will take
away the cripplingly fear
stop the silent tears
that leaves salty trails on damp cheeks
let not the trembling leave me weak
surrounded by emptiness
no allies in or out of dreams
unfulfilled desires take a backseat
but manifest its self in sleep
when I’m most vulnerable
when I let down my guard
where I open myself up to the universe
inviting rest from the pressure of polished pretenses
face soft from the slackness of muscles in rest
eyelids covering soul bearing eyes
body sighing as weight is released to the bed below
comfort no longer found on the queen sized mattress
thoughts at war with each other whirl around
attacked my monsters in dreams and my thoughts when awake

*I fully believe that no poem is ever finished just abandoned.  I can write on for days...

Three Things… Lies I No Longer Believe

So I like things in threes, I blame my obsession with three on baseball and American society in general. You know we always hear things like: “3 strikes, you’re out” and “third time’s the charm.” Then there’s the biblical reference to the trinity. But enough with my affinity with three…

Today I want to talk about three lies I no longer believe as they relate to matters of sex the heart . Once upon a time I believed these lies. I must admit I was young and naïve even idealistic then my Virgo tendencies took over and idealism went out the window to be replaced with realism and a touch of pessimism which stems from the need for order and something close to perfection. So yea, I’m a Virgo and screw the new zodiac chart! Me, a Leo? Get the F out of here. But I digress. So yea, I was once young, naïve, idealistic and somewhat of a romantic.

Lie #1: Men and women can be friends after being more than friends- In all honesty, it is very hard for men and women just to be friends.  In Let's Be Friends, RCLS breaks down his definition of platonic...

I think to answer this question, you first have to answer the question of whether or not males and females can truly be platonic friends.  (Platonic – a friendship where one party wouldn’t f*ck the daylights out of the other party if given the opportunity).   Perhaps in college where you have a larger circle of friends that you actually kick it with, it’s more likely to have a platonic friend here or there (read: person you have not had a chance to f*ck yet).  But as time passes and your inner circle gets whittled down to a select few, it’s more likely that any folks of the opposite sex that you frequently interact with are either professional contacts,  romantic interests or a friend of a friend (read: f*cked/f*ckin’ one of your peoples).

It's true.  I thought it was possible to be friends with exes and with guys.  It's not that easy.  With exes it's always this weird tension going on where one party still thinks they can do the other person.  The other party doesn't want to be done and the friendship is weird and awkward.  I understood that but the male/female friendship thing hit me in 2010.  don't get me wrong, I have male friends but they fall into one of the aforementioned categories or the you're like family category.

Lie #2- There are plenty of fish in the sea- This is just plain bullsh*t.  I use to believe it though.  I thought that I had a lot of options when it came to the opposite sex.  But it's just not true.  First let's cut out the obvious- the guys that are taken, the guys that are gay, the guys that aren't doing anything with their lives (the hustlin' guy because I'm not visiting you in jail), the guys that don't find me attractive (hey, I can't be every guy's type), and the guys I don't find attractive.  Let's say that leaves me with half (really, way less than half) the sea.  I now have to take out the guys that know a guy that I've dated (because it can get all types of complicated), guys that dated one of my female friends, and the guys that are too far away to truly make it work.  Now that leaves me with less that 20-25% of the sea.  Insert my personal non-negotiable and I'm down to about 10-15% 5%.  So with that said there's about 10-15% 5% and who is to say that I'll run into the available fish.  So yea there are few fish in the sea.

Lie #3- Single life is not lonely- Don't get mad at me for this.  I'm single and I'm thoroughly enjoying it but... it gets lonely sometimes.  What more can I say.  I'm not lonely but there are those nights days when the companionship of a steady partner is needed.  I'm going to enjoy the single life and live it up but it's not how I want to remain.

So what are some lies you no longer believe?  Am I off-base with any of my lies?  Coming soon:  Three Things... Things I want to do before I die.  Three Things... Fantasies that I want to play out.

Signed,
Me, Myself and I